1. A marked decrease in the amount of grease flying all over your kitchen (unless you are seriously addicted to home-made French fries)
1a)A kitchen sink that isn't forever getting clogged with the stuff.

2. Quicker and more enjoyable food preparation - no more carcasses waiting to be chopped, marinated, carved, pounded, braised, de-boned, sauteed, simmered, roasted, brouled, baked, filleted, plucked, skinned, gutted or cleaned and no blood, bone, fat, skin or other body parts to grapple with. Vegetarian cooking is clean and fun and features things with nice bright colours, interesting textures and pleasant smells.

3. Your body will stop fighting you. You are going to experience a noticeable decrease in indigestion, constipation, sluggishness, headaches, irritability, dry skin and chapping (a vegetarian's skin tends to be baby-soft) and yes, body odour. In the same way that breast-fed babies can smell nicer than bottle-fed babies, veggies can smell better than carnivores. (Ok, omnivores.)

4. Over the long-term your health will be vastly improved as you cut back your risk of heart disease, stroke, cancers of many kinds, diabetes, kidney disease, obesity and a laundry list of others. You may feel an urge to tell your neighbours the good news, however if they aren't ready to hear it just bite your tounge. (And in doing so be reminded of the real flavour of meat, minus seasonings. So what is the big deal anyway?)

5. Your grocery bills will drop. Not only are beans, rice and pasta cheaper than chicken, chops and steaks but you can finally stop buying all that junk in the pharmacy section to keep your body "functioning properly", most of which was created to patch up problems related to meat consumption.

6. You will realise that you never have to explain to your children why it is (clearly) wrong to tease the kitten but okay to grind up the cow. Or why a small carp is called a goldfish and we keep it in a cute little bowl with ceramic castles and feed it regularly, while a big carp is called dinner.

7. There are three things that are going to drive you crazy, and they're three things other people will say when they find out you're vegetarian. Here they are, in ascending order of popularity :
a) "Oh, I'm practically a vegetarian too!" Which is just like saying, "Well, I'm a little bit pregnant."
b)"But you eat chicken and fish, don't you?" Does a chicken look like a carrot to some people or what? Gee, salmon and macaroni, I keep getting them confused! Try not to be too sarcastic when replying to this one - just work out a nice firm response now and memorise it. (And then send it to me, I haven't got one yet!)
c - the all-time champion) "But where do you get your protein from?" Any group of vegetarians can chant this one in harmony, they've heard it so often. And here's the answer: all wholefoods contain protein which by the way, is not a magic elixir; too much protein is the problem, not too little - and you will get enough if you eat fresh healthy foods. It's almost impossible not to get enough. So there.

Now, get off of that silly fence.